You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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