i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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