You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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