lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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