meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
