I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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