He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
