Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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