dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
