Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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