How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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