With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
