I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
