I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
