u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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