matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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