Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
