I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
