i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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