i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm too high and old for this...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
