my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize