I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
