honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize