does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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