about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
