The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
