I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
