fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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