Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
3pm strippers are depressing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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