escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
