Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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