Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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