I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
