just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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