and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
