I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
