***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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