I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Blow job season was short but glorious.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
