1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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