I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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