We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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