i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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