I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
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One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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