I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
