I got chris browned last night
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My dick has a subreddit
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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