Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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