true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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