I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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