You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
