I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
