i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So squirting runs in the family.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
