Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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