At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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