I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
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I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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