When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
