My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
