Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
