Are we in a gay sports bar?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
