do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
