The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
