she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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