She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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