oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
