if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
